Gnomevision Debate

- Good evening dear viewers! This is the Bluegnome directly reporting from the Gnomevision Studio. Today we the pleasure to present the distinguished Professor Victor G. Antrax and his collegue the Associate Professor Stareling Duodenum, who are joining us for an analyses of the events of last week in general and yesterday in particular! What is your response to these events Professor Antrax?

- What do you expect? I go to a conference at the Incheon University and what happens? When I return the whole place is turned into a luny bin! Is it too much to ask of people to restrain themselves?

- So you mean that this whole business with the Terror-Santa conspiracy is rubbish?

- Oh no! You've got me all wrong there! The Santas are guilty all right! But it is our business to deal with'em, not that charlatan Svinhufvud's! We have been watching these Santas for a long time now and were just ready to make our move when this Svinhufvud destroys everything!

- I can't agree more! He actually spoiled years of surveillance and investigation into this business. And now everything is spolied... down the toilet... kaputt, zu vergangenheit gegangen! said an angry Duodenum. And they opened that prison centre, when we had spent loads and loads of cash building our own detention centre. We were actually planning to catch every last one of these Santa imposters on x-mas Eve!

- On x-mas Eve, then all the children would have been sad! said the astonished Bluegnome.

- Nevermind the children, I'm referring to our common future... a future without these charlatan's without talent. They will surely be better off in the long run...

- So how will you respond to Svinhufvud's initiative?

- We will have to come back to you on that one... that's all I can say for now!

- We thank Professor Antrax and associate Professor Duodenum for this insightsful piece of information...

Svinhufvud's Declaration

- Good Evening, to all our dedicated viewers! Today we are looking forward to listen to Professor Svinhuvfud's Declaration of the reasons behind and the motivation for the Anti-Santa-Terrorist Campaign. I welcome you Professor Svinhufvud!

- Thank you very much! What I have to say today is indeed very serious and nothing to laugh about! To long did we have given a blind eye towards this threat to society as we know it. This means that they have been able to infiltrate us for centuries and no one noticed. Yeh, of course the Gnome community immediately recognized these imposters as they tried to take the rightful place in society, reserved for the Gnome community.

It all started back 1087, as Barinese pirates went to Myra in Anatolia and stole the relics of St. Nicholaus and brought the bones back to Bari, Italy and built a huge church in Bari to celebrate the theft. No good start there, I'll tell you!

Nevertheless,, to make a long story a little bit shorter: the really big and seriously threatening infiltration started as the modern way of celebrating x-mas began in the beginning of the 20th Century. Suddenly there appeared a numerous of ways to mask oneself and go out to do bad things. The Santa disguise was perfect to conceal bombs, molotov-cocktails, guns, light artillery and suicide bombing devices. And the sack with the parcels! Unlimited possibilities! But now all this has to end. I plan to propose a binding law where it becomes forbidden to impersonate Santa. Instead this task will be transferred to the Gnome community and they will provide the public with the services of imposters we use today.

- We thank Professor Svinhufvud for this declaration! Something you want to add?

- Just that those who are eager to konow more just have to read our Manifesto of Shortness, where all is revealed. All in the name of the Great Gnome Master.

Report from Gnomantanamo Bay

- Good evening dear and eager viewers! Tonight we bring you a report on how things are down at the Terrorist Detention Centre at Gnomantanamo Bay. How are things, we ask the Combat Gnome?

- Pretty awful! These Terror Santas haven't got any manners at all, so we have to teach'em the hard way. Nothing a hickory baseball bat can't fix!

- Let me out of here you lousy midget son of a bitch!

- You hear? No manners whatsoever! But I'll teach'm!

- Why is he protesting?

- This lying bastard claims that he was just minding his own business delivering x-mas presents to an orphange! Do you believe that? They'll stop at nothing in their filthy terrorist business. To deliver nasty bombs and the Great Gnome Master knows what!

- You damned motherfucking dwarf! Why did you have to destroy all the orphan's x-mas presents?

- Tsss, tsss... yeh hear? Claims to be the saviour of innocent animals, women and children... As far as we know he could very well be a paedophile! That would explain his interest in children...

- We hear of children and social workers meeting to demonstrate against your violence against innocent Santas just working to make children happy, who hasn't got any family. What do you respond to that?

- They are naive and basically misinformed by the huge traditional apparatus of the x-mas lobby. Merchants and thiefs, basically if you ask me! But this will be explained to you by Professor Svinhufvud. He will reveal the truth about this whole business of Santas and stuff!

- When can we expect this enlightenment?

- Tomorrow he told me...

- I thank the Combat Gnome for this report and we turn to other news...

Gnomeline Fieldreport

- Good Evening dear viewers! Today we can provide you with an exclusive fieldreport from the ongoing Campaign against Santa-Terrorism. On the screen just now you can see the Combat Gnome (the one with the baseball-bat) and two other fighting gnomes. What happened here?

- We came across a Terror-Santa, who was equipped with his usual red-coloured gear and a big brown sack, filled with suspicious looking parcels. Presumably bombs of some sort! The combat group succeeded to paralyze the Santa and remove the sack out of his control and then took away his clothing in the search for suicide bombing devices. The evidence has now been removed from crime-scene and we are now waiting for transportation of the Terror-Santa to the Gnomantanamo Bay Terrorist Detention Centre.

- How do you evaluate this terrorist-attack?

- It must be considered as serious. After all he had a lot of suspicious looking devices on his body and in the sack... He also put up real hard resistance.

- As for instance what kind of devices?

- I'm sorry, but that is classified information. But he was yelling about his constitutional rights. Rubbish of course! Terrorists have no rights!

- We thank the Combat Gnome for this illuminating report from the field of action.

The Gnome Anti-Santa-Terror Combat Attack Group

- Today we proudly present the Gnome Anti-Santa-Terror Combat Attack Group (GASTCAG). Behind me we see what we are after: Bad Santas! Here impersonated by Billy Bob Thornton. Everybody know that this is a movie character, but nevertheless the character is the very image of the sort of terrorist we are going to hunt down and put away! said Professor Svinhuvfud. And now I give the word to the Garden Gnome Guide who is going to have the full operative responsibility for the actions taken in the field!

- Pleased to see so many of you here! said the Garden Gnome Guide. We have decided to create a prison-camp for the detainees at Gnomantanamo Bay, where they will be held i custody indefinitely. We will hunt them in the streets, in the plazas and in the malls! Wherever they show their distasteful disguises in public we will restrain them, detain them and imprison them. Simply because they are a threat to society as we know it. Look at the character behind me, the perpetrator of hideous and unspeakable crimes against children and their parents! Thats what we are fighting!

- Thanks for that illuminating information! We will stop at nothing until this threat is defeated and swept away from the face of the Earth! said Professor Svinhufvud aggressively.

- Does this mean that there are going to be no Santas at all this X-mas? one of the journalists asked...

- I can promise you nothing! They may all be scumbags! But those of them that can prove their innocence will be left alone! said the Garden Gnome Guide.

There was some commotion among the journalists, but the security guards brought them to their sences using electric devices usually used on cattle...

- As there seems to be no more questions from the public I hereby declare this press conference finnished! said the Garden Gnome Guide, exposing an authoritative look on his face.

Gnomeline Newsflash

- Good evening we welcome you to this evenings newsflash from Gnomeline, the ultimate network for broadcasting gnomenews! With us today we have the distinguished professor Svinhufvud, who practically is an expert on everything!

- Thank you, thank you! You think to highly of my humble person!

- You claim, professor Svinhufvud, that we do not take the terrorist threats seriously enough?

- That's right! I think that the focus has been put in the wrong direction!

- How do you mean?

- Well, everybody seems to focus on muslims in general and specifically in women dressed in Burkhas and Niqabs. I think that is a mistake. The real threat is much more close!

- How is that?

- Everybody seems to look into the wrong kind of disguise. It is actually there right in front of us, but we don't see it...

- What do you mean?

- I'm talking of these frequently occurring imposters of St. Claus! They are everywhere and disguised beyond recognition. For instance look at the guy behind me, if it is a guy, you couldn't really be sure of that! He has a beard and hair that hides all his features. And, most important, he hands over a parcel! Nobody could tell what's in it! Could be a bomb! Could be anthrax! No one knows...

- We thank professor Svinhufvud for bringing this to our attention...

- I will take action against this... you can be sure of that...

- Thank you professor...

Cabinet Meetings in Strange Places

Today I was enjoying myself with a simple crossword, when I suddenly realize that the pic in the middle is of a Mongolian Cabinet Meeting, held in late August 2010. It seems like President Elbegdorj took the initiative in response to the disaster that hit Mongolia this winter, in the form of the white zuud, which killed around 20 percent of the live-stock. Zuud is the Mongolian word for different forms of disaster. The white zuud is connected to snow, which normally is rather scarce in Mongolia. The climate is arid and Ulaanbaatar, for instance, has approximately 300 sunny days a year. Climate Change has during recent years increased the amount of snow during winter and as a consequence animals can't graze, but will starve, as they can't reach the grass.


In October 2009, the island republic of the Maldives the President Mohammad Nashhed set up a Cabinet Meeting beneath the surface of the sea, in order to protest against the consequences of Climate Change that threatens to make the islands of the Maldives disappear from the face of the Earth. What seems to be a small matter in the industrialised world, is a matter of life and living space in the Maldives.

In early December 2009, the Nepalese Cabinet held a Meeting, led by Prime Minister Madhav Kumar Nepal, on 5,300 meters altitude, in front of Mount Everest, to protest against Climate Change.



"The Himalayas are important not only for the people of Nepal but for 1.3 billion people who depend on waters from the mountains for their livelihoods." said the Prime Minister.

These three snap-shots from different places on the planet show how hard Climate Change might hit different parts of our world. Cattle, sheep, goats and horses starve to death in Mongolia - the Maldives will disappear - disaster might result from vanishing glaciers in the Himalayas. The irony of it is that the people who gain to most at the present, from this state of world affairs, will probably not here when the descendants of the Mongolians, Maldivians and Nepalese reflect on what went wrong with Western Civilization. They are simply tougher then we are...