Santa Terror Sack Found in Madrid

- Good evening dear viewers! This is the Bluegnome reporting live from Madrid, Spain. Today a sack has been found right in middle of the Plaza Mayor in Madrid. At the present the Spanish anti-terror-forces have employed their Robotbomb Disarmament device to try and disarm the Santa Bomb Terror Sack. The Santa himself was seen running from the crime scene in wild panic. José Destroudo with the Anti-Terror Group tells us that he won't be at large for long now. Meanwhile the Plaza is evacuated and no people are allowed for the next two blocks. Señor Destroudo tells us that there might be weapons of masssestruction in the sack and the group does not want to destroy the central parts of the Spanish capital. That's all for now folks and Gnomes!

Santa Terrorist in Psycho Therapy

Wellcome dear viewers! Today I, the Garden Gnome Guide, will present some interesting results into the investigation of the dark minds of the Santa Impostors! Behind me we have the character to be analyzed. He can be described as man in utter delusion and he is barely aware of his whereabouts. Typical is his mindless chanting:
- Hou hou...
We've been going to great a length to try and reach him, but his speach only contain some barely understandable phrases:
- Hou hou!
- What do you want for x-mas?
- Have you been a nice boy this year?
- Have you been a nice girl this year?
- Have you eaten your porridge this year?
You see that a therapist cannot make anything out this and we have began to think about the condition as a decease, something contagious and dangerous! Might actually spread in the wider population! From psycho-dynamic viewpoint it is depressing as there is simply nothing there. The only possibility to describe the condition from psychiatric viewopoint is as an early stage of catatonia....
- What does that mean?
- In the end the sick person will freeze in a static position unable to move and out of reach for any meaningful contact! We will see these character lying around everywhere, in parks, plazas and streets! Just like garbage, if you ask me!
- We thank the Garden Gnome Guide for his insightsful analysis of this tragic condition!

Svinhufvud explains the Meaning of Santa Terror

- Good evening dear Gnomeline viewers! Today we have with us the the artificial dwarf and the distinguished Professor Svinhufvud. You Professor Svinhufvud have promosed to explain to us about the Santa Terror and how to deal with the threat. How we will be able to still sleep well in our cozy beds.

- Thank you, thank you! You're much too kind to my humble person... Dear folks, dwarfs and Gnomes, we live in difficult times... troubled times I dare to say, troubled indead... hmm... hmmm... if we look at the screen to my left, we see an archetypical Santa, unfortunately drunk and fallen out of the chimney. We could bear these extravaganzas, but not what it has all turned out to be lately. In the middle we see a parade of badly disguised Santas... these are a part of what we are up against... these Santas are relatively easy to find and expose and terminate...

- Terminate?

- I mean lock up in custody, until x-mas is over for now... but our real trouble is the one on the lower right. That particular specimen or type isn't easily exposed, but has a rather convincing disguise cause it is basically genuine. Yeah, tricky these are. Tricksters you could call'em! You cannot pull them by the beard and expose'em that way... there is no way the layman to see through this kind of disguise. Will look like the genuine thing to'em... hrmf, hrmf...

- We thank Professor Svinhufvud for these illuminating words out of his limitless wsidom. Good Night everybody! And beware of Bad Santas out there!

Attack in Paris

- Good evening! This is the Bluegnome reporting directly from Paris for Gnomevision, and here Professor Starling Duodenum has just led an attack against the Santa Terrorists. We ask Professor Duodenum, how did it turn out?
- Well if you ask me it went okay! Law enforcement operations are the culmination of work that goes on for weeks and weeks, and what we see in news flashes are just glimpses of our reality. It's hard work with little of glory and heroism!
- But what happened here?
- I dare say that we had a good and successful operation. Not excellent, but neither a disaster.
- Did you catch a Santa Terrorist?
- Not exactly! The French police claim that our troopers shot an old lady dressed in red dress. What they don't understand is that our men register red dress and white hair... that's two out of three... and she also had a brown handbag... which for our troopers was a Santa sack filled with explosives... The French said that we will have to pay for this... dearly...
- Ohh... what happens now?
- Oh, we have a new operation... this time I will beat that damned Svinhufvud... I promise you that!!!

Santa Terror Protection Education

Dear viewers! Welcome to Gnomeline Education in cooperation with the Anti-Santa-Terrorist Combat Group.
I am the Garden Gnome Guide and I am your guide into the minds of evil and nasty Santa impostors. What's behind that seemingly nice and joyful surface? You meet them in stores, on streets and even in your home - they are always expressing this strange sound: - Hou hou hou... What does it mean? Does it have any meaning at all? Santas in their modern form and shape are a relatively new part of our society. There are traces back in folklore and old Christian tales, but they could all be taken rather lightly. We have to look at their present appearance.
This appearance is mainly a social construction to promote sales of largely unnecessary merchandise. Its a salespromotion that is being an integrated part of modern consumerism. Okay, they make us spend a lot of money on things we really don't need. That's bad, but it isn't necessary evil! But when these sinister Santa Terrorist take over wearing their disguises and infiltrate society it becomes evil, if the goal is to maim or seriously injure innocent people.
People ask us if it is really necessary to arrest and imprison every Santa we find! We have only one answer to this:
- One lousy terrorist on the loose out there is one too many! We will hold them until after x-mas, when they become harmless as nobody gets tricked by a Santa from February to September!
Think of this: -
Beware of characters in red clothes, white beard and hair! If somebody says "hou hou", take it as a threat and report it to the authourities in general and the Anti-Santa-Terrorist Combat Group in particular!!!

Warning - Beware of Santa Impostors

The Combat Group hereby inform the concerned public that during this x-mas there might be fake Santas coming into your homes. We warn you that these impostors have hidden agendas and sometimes weapons and bombs with them into your homes. Don't let any of them into your home. Be sure that it only takes one Santa with a suicidal belt to destroy your x-mas and maybe ruin your family forever. Allow no trespassing!

Be also alert when visiting malls and shopping centres as these impostors frequently visit and seemingly work in these places. The danger is actually worse in such places, because these fake Santas are able to bring loads and loads of destructive weapons and bombs in their x-mas sacks. If you spot one of these x-mas men, keep the distance and call for the Combat Group and we will take care of them and save your x-mas...

The Combat Group bid you beware and a Merry Merry X-mas

Rounding up the Rough Santas

Today we on Gnomeline News brings you a live field report from the rounding up of some Terror Santas. They were surely planning some sinister business when they were discovered by the Combat Group and drove towards the rouning up place, the Combat Gnome told us. He said he was sorry he couldn't talk directly to us, cause this matter demanded his full attention. He said that the Santas had a lot of sacks contain their typical terrorist gear. He was glad that he saved the lives of numerous innocent people by this act.

The Santas on the other hand was screaming and yelling, demanding legal representation. Which, by the way, is impossible as they have no rights. Having no rights, there can be no trial, no lawyer and no judgement.