All Accusations are False

- Good evening dwarves, gnomes and folks! Today we have the admirable and distinguished Professor Ambjoern Svinhufvud with us. What is your response to all these outrageous accusations of yesterday?
- Well, ahh, of course they are all false! There is nothing at all true in them! The fantasies of mad men!
- Nothing?
- None whatsoever! I will explain so you all, dwarves, gnomes and folks will understand what has happened.
- We are all ears!
- Well, to begin with we have the photographic evidence. On my left, right behind my, we see the Santa escaping over the rooftops. We also have him in custody and he has given us his full confession. The second you can find on my right, which is the fake Santa that we caught escaping right outside the shopping centre. He has also given his full confession and also given us the names of the fake Santas that died in the attack. There were three of them. We also secured the remains of the truck. The truck contain evedence that point to certain group of collaborators. But that's classified for now!
- Oh, that is impressing Professor. But still, it does not really explain away the accusations from Duodenum and this Xhantar character.
- No you're quite right. If you look up to the screen in the middle, that's the big one, I will tell you something about disinformation. There they are, all four of them,... all of the scumbags!
- Yes I can see that...
- Take the old saying: "... where there is smoke, there is fire!" If you say something which is completely false, it will plant a feeling of doubt towards your person among people. That's because your opponent use a rhetoric trick, undermining your ethos; that is your credibility. In the heads of people there will always be doubt about your honesty. But you have to expose an explanation that is logically consistent. People have to believe that is was possible for you to cheat on the public. That brings us to the final part of the rhetoric triad; pathos... you convince people that the accused is guilty beyond doubt and then you hang him, metaphorically speaking.
- It is a very interesting story, but I don't understand what it has to...
- Don't be stupid! It's obvious! I made those charlatans over at Gnomevision loose face and now they are coming after me to save that bastard Anthrax... and he is where he belong... in the luny bin...
- Oh! On the contrary, we have a fresh report here that says that Professor Anthrax was released from the psychiatric facility where he was held the last few days...
- I'll be damned... he talked his way out of that one too... that son of a bitch...
- Does that make you feel unsafe?
- Bahh, me unsafe... but I'll surely will consult my lawyer. That Anthrax... he is utterly mad and capable of anything!
- Well that's all dwarves, gnomes and folks; a very, very good night to you!

Gnomevision Expose Fraud

- Good evening dear dwarves, gnomes and folks! Today we are able to expose what seems to be a great fraud! A scandal in fact! Explain to us Professor Duodenum!
- I'll be delighted to do so! It seems like there are certain conditions concerning yesterday's bombing downtown that are unclear, to say the least!
- How so?
- It seems that documents has been released that reveal that Svinhufvud and the Combat Group did not only fight the fake Santas, they in fact staged the whole thing...
- Where does this information come from?
- It has been provided from the new company Wackoleaks and it's spokesgnome Julio Xhantar. Luckily we have him with us tonight on a link from Gnomopolis! Hello Julio, how are you!
- Hi there! I'm fine!
- What does the information say more exactly?
- It seems like Svinhufvud and the Combat Group took prisoners from Gnomantanamo Bay, dressed them up and provided them with the bombs and drove them to the Shopping Centre.
- But thats awful... looks like a complete set-up!
- Sure, thats what you can expect, dealing with scum like that!
- We have with us also Professor Svinhufvud on a link from Dwarvesville! What is your response to this accusations?
- This is ridicilous! This group around Anthrax are upset because he got locked up in the nut-house and now they try and retaliate against my humble person.
- Mr. Xhantar, what is your source for this information?
- Sorry! That is classified information! My sources are secure with me!
- You see! This is the old strategy; where there is smoke there has to be a fire!
- We will get you! You old scumbag!!!
- I'm sure glad I didn't go into that studio!!!
- We have stop the broadcasting here and wish you a very, very good night dear dwarves, gnomes and folks!!!

Downtown Terror Report

- Good evening dwarves, gnomes and folks! This is the Combat Gnome and Professor Ambjoern Svinhufvud reporting to you from downtown live! A spectacular bombing has taken place in a shopping centre and the full magnitude of it is yet unknown. It seems like the management hired some Santas to increase sales. Unfortunately it was this sinister fake Santa type they choose for the job! What is your response and reflexions Professor Svinhufvud?
- Well! What can you expect? You warn people and tell them how to behave to minimize risk! What do they do? The opposite of course! The result we all can see behind my back. Not much of a shopping centre left after that bomb, eh? One of the perpetrators is lying behind me. I had to let my combat gnomes immobilize him! Fine job they did! Another one is escaping over the roof, but we will get him, be sure of that!
- Why did it turn out so bad?
- Well, what do you expect? They let the damned Santas move in their gear using a truck! How stupid can you be? There were tons and tons of TNT in there... madre de los dios!!! Unfortunately, we cannot charge the management who allowed all this, cause they had a board meeting when the bomb went off on the upper floor... I guess they will have to find a new management group now... nut there is no scarcity of that type professionals nowadays...
- This is a sad experience to learn as people neglect sensible pieces of advice and go on as there were no danger at all. We have to remember that the scumbags we are dealing with here are completely ruthless! The one escaping over the roof we will give a good bat beating, be sure of that!
- We thank the Combat Gnome and Professor Svinhufvud for these words of wisdom and wish you all dwarves, gnomes and folks a very, very good evening indead!

Gnomeline Exposure of Anthrax Scandal

-Good evening dear viewers and others! Today we have something special for all of you. We can actually show what happened down at Gnomevision yesterday when Professor Anthrax got into a psychotic or almost catatonic state. As we see on the video he is actually biting the Bluegnome in his hand and right after smashes him in the head with a hammer. What is your comment Professor Svinhufvud?


- As you can see, he is totally out of control! A mad man in at large! Look at those strong teeth crushing the fingerbones in the Bluegnome's hand! That' what I call a bite! Extraordinary, indead! And look at that blow! What a skill with the hammer! A carpenter can't do it better! I'm impressed!
- Impressed? I thought you were going to be shocked!
- Shocked? No I thought he was going totally bananas, but to quote William Shakespeare's Hamlet: "Surely this is madness, yet there's method init!" Nice controlled hit with the hammer! Makes you happy to see such skill...
- Hmmm, what do you think will be the consequences of this scandal?
- It is entirely up to the Bluegnome. Personally I would sue him of his very last centavo and call for the harshest punishment in the law book.
- You would actually want him to hang for that?
- He is clearly a waste of space and has always been. The world would be a better place without him.
- We thank Professor Svinhufvud for those words and with us from a hospital downtown we have the Bluegnome: How are you doing today?
- Well despite the circumstances! A bit of headache and a wound in the head and two brooken fingers.
- Will you file charges against Professor Anthrax?
- We are in a negotiation his and mine lawyer and I can't reveal anything until those negotiations are finnished.
- We thank the Bluegnome for sharing this with us. Good night dwarves, gnomes and folks, that's all for now!

Gnomevision response to Last night's Call-in

- Good Evening dear viewers! This the Bluregnome direct from Gnomevision's Studio. With us tonight live we have Professors Anthrax and Duodenum. And by link Professor Svinhufvud. First I will address you Professor Svinhufvud: What do you think of ordniary people's responses to your performance yesterday? They were very agitated to say the least.

- Well you know people act on things that really are a storm in bucket full of water, that's their life in principle... where no problem is... they see plenty... I see a terrorist... they see a nice man promoting a joyful holiday... I arrest the terrorist... they see me as the villain...

- You don't think you're acting patronizing and even arrogantly towards the public now?

- You could see me as a benevolent Grandfather, caring for his grandchildren... a little bit worried, but still caring and acting in their best interest.

- That didn't seem to work on that Sandra girl, did it?

- Ah you know children... sensitive beings aren't they, but charming in their awkward way. You cannot actually reason with a six-year-old...

- Professor Anthrax, what is you reflexion on this comment?

- It is consistent with what I claimed for decades. This joke of a man is an ass and a swine, which his name indicates. He doesn't care for ordinary people because he doesn't understand them and the reason for that is that he is a freak! Who other than a freak would surgically alter himself into a gnomelike dwarf?

- I beg your pardon! I thought this was going to be a civilized debate about people's fears and problems. But it seems to boil down to a personal vendetta. I think that Professor Anthrax is as beneficial for society as the disease his name is reflecting!

- I'll kill you... you bastard!!! I'll wring your neck and...

- See what I mean... totally out of control... hardly civilized at all... send him to the nut-house... you probably will ave to restrain him in some way... ohh, that cannot be called normal... maybe a fling of foot and mouth disease?

- Arrgh... hrmfpf... grfff...!!! Kill... kill... destroy... arghaahhh!!!

- We have to break there... it seems that Professor Anthrax has moved into a stage of uncontrollable rage... can somebody help me here... before he chews up my hand... Good evening dear viewers and I hope you will have an enjoyable evening...

People ask Professor Svinhufvud about X-mas

- Good evening dear viewers! As it has come to our attention a lot of people seems to worry about not be able to celebrate x-mas at all because of all this fuzz about Santa terrorism. I have to advice you to go back and listen to our advice on x-mas safety. Not everything about x-mas is dangerous!

- Who is this we with us?

- This is Thor-Arne Freyen, and I want to ask Professor Svinhufvud if this Santa panic isn't vastly overrated?

- On the contrary! I would say you cannot be to careful. You don't want to cause a family tragedy during x-mas, do you?

- I still think it sounds as a bit of hysteria in it!

- Hysteria? I beg your pardon? Shall we wait until a bomb blows up in the midst of your family?

- No I didn't mean to...

- No don't think so! Leave the worries to us and just follow our suggestions for precautions and everything will work out just fine! Thank you!

- And who is with us here?

- Me... I am Liu Meimei...

- And what do you want to ask about?

- Sorry, what kind of programme is this?

- We have an open call-in where you can ask Professor Svinhufvud about X-mas precautions!

- Sorry, I don't know what X-mas precautions is!

- Never heard of x-mas?

- Sorry we don't celebrate in People's Republic...

- Who is with us here?

- Iits Ssandra... I am sad...

- Why are you sad Sandra?

- I was just going to tell Santa what I want for X-mas when those terrible combat gnomes attacked him and took him away... they hit him...

- You should be glad Sandra... he could have killed you... nasty bugger that one...

- No he was kind...

- Tsss, tsss... children... easily bribed...

- What is your opinion of these voices of the concerned public Professor Svinhufvud?

- Well, when people comes to their senses, which will be around the second of January, they will realize that I done them a great favour and saved them from disaster. No doubt about it!

- We thank Professor Svinhufvud for these words of comfort and great you Good Evening dear viewers!

Safety Advice for X-mas

- Good Evening dear viewers to Gnomeline Information! My name is the Garden Gnome Guide and I am going to inform you on how to avoid dangers during x-mas when shopping. We all know, that is the gnome community, shopping excessively during x-mas is damaging to your inner being. A good and healthy gnome does not engage in such activities. Unfortunately not all of us has yet reached gnomehood. In fact, the only one we know of, is the admirable Professor Ambjoern Svinhufvud, who in changed himself into gnomehood artificially by surgery. It is few who want to pay such a price to reach perfection in mind and body.

Nevertheless, if you feel that you cannot resist the temptation of excessive shopping during x-mas, I have some advices for you.

1. Don't go into crowds where you cannot see everybody that's in it. At the very centre there can be a vicious Santa with nasty motives and agendas.

2. If you spot a sack, avoid it. Don't think for a minute that these sacks have to be of the traditional brownish type. They can have any colour. We have a theory that generally fake Santas are colour blind or don't care. No sense of tradition in other words.

3. Beware of glimpses of the colour red. Where there is red colour fake Santas are not far away.

4. Be alrted by the sound "Hou hou". It is only Santas and imbecilles that sound that way. And you can be nice to imbecilles the rest of the year.

5. You don't have to be alerted by reindeer though. Fake Santas are never equipped with genuine and live reindeer.

6. Keep distance towards open chimney fires. Fake Santas have been known to throw bombs down chimneys and it might destroy your x-mas.

If you keep to these advices I think that you're going to have a nice and Merry Merry X-mas! That's all dwarves, gnomes and folks!