Gnomevision's Opening Night

- We had a thought that broadcasting of Gnome News was a little bit too one-sided and therefore we designed an alternative. Where we can present another side of how we may view the World and important events: Today we proudly present a brand new Broadcasting Channel – Gnomevision in cooperation with Nano-Surgeons International, World Association of Medical Suppliers and Televised Agression Media. I am Bluegnome Polite and I’ll be your News anchor, guiding you through the jungle of global nano-news. With me today in the studio I have Victor G. Anthrax, who has joined us after a long journey in the Taklamakan Desert, on the brink of Outer Mongolia. But now you’re back. What is your plans for the near future?
- Now I’m most certainly back! Be sure about that! To quote Richard Milhouse Nixon: "Let there be no doubt about it!"

- Why have you decided to return now?

- It has come to my attention that this obscure diletant Professor Svinhufvud has tried to impose his imbecile Manifesto of Shortness upon decent people. I’ve returned to put an end to that kind of nonsense once and for all.
- I’m not sure what you mean… I thought the government was going to integrate the Manifesto into its ordinary day to day policy!
- Bah, over my dead and decomposed body. This Svinhufvud character, he has, as usual, got it all wrong. Short people should not accept their shortness and try to impose it on others. Quite the contrary – short people should try and become bigger and reach the same height andbody length as ordinary people. No one has ever succeeded in imposing their will upon someone bigger.
- But the resent events with those gnome combat groups defeating the whole PATALAP Force, wasn’t that proof of small creatures actually defeating taller ones?
- Sheer luck! Wouldn’t happen in a million years if you ask me. Very low probability! No smaller beings has to take growth hormones and undergo surgical alteration of their legs and arms. Look at China – there is a whole industry of body-lengthening there. Thousands of Chinese every year increase the length of their arms and legs. I wouldn’t be the least surprised if we have a World Champion Basket Ball Team in a couple of years or so… And that Svinhufvud character, he is not just a dwarf in appearance, he is also a midget inside his head. A small man thinking small thoughts! In fact, everything about the guy is smallish and insignificant!
- So there nothing in his claims for equal rights for shorter people?
- You have obviously not been listening to what he says and what is in that Manifesto of his! Its Animal Farm all over again, but now our societies will be ruled from gardens and woodlands instead, by beings that are not even registered as citizens. Sheer folly, if you ask me!
- And what do you suggest?
- We can’t accept somebody trying to impose their will and follies upon us, we must say no, we must resist and we must fight them vigorously! We will start with arguing against their follies, we will continue to resist the implementation of their foolish legislation and we will, finally fight them with all the physical strength we have!
- We thank Professor Anthrax for sharing his thoughts and recommendations with us and turn over to other news…

Gnomeline News Flash - X-mas Eve

- Good day to you all and a Merry Merry X-mas, especially for all you smallish creatures. This night there was a tremendous development in the continuing struggle for pig liberation and advance of the interests of short people and creatures. On the screen on my left you see the build up just before the gnome forces join the pigs, the dwarves and the rest of the volunteers. On the screen of my right you see the PATALAP forces right after their humiliating defeat. They are put right in front of the Alfred Satire Gnome, who tell them what to do. As we see they are no longer in their uniforms and attack equipment, but naked... With us tonight is the hero of the day – the Garden Gnome Guide – how would you describe the events that led to this unexpected victory?
- Well I don’t think it was unexpected, I rather expected exactly this development all the time. You could actually say that it was inevitable.
- But how did you manage to do it?
- Well, lets say it was a variation of the same strategy that the famous strategist Sun Bin used in the battle of Ma-ling in 352 B.C. Sun Bin and the Qi forces faked their hasty retreat, and behind them they left a sign on a tree. It was dark and as the Wei forces reached the tree they lit a fire to see better what the sign said and that is when the Qi archers fire their bows. We did the same. Left the city hasty and left a sign in small letters on a wall. We did put in some mis-spellings knowing that in the PATALAP forces there are quite a few people with great control needs. So they tried to figure out what the sign said when pulled the plug on them...
- Pulled the plug???
- Well, in a figure of speak, we had laid out a big net that was ignited by the flash of a certain amount of light. We got them all and the result you see on the screen there on the right.
- Spectacular, isn’t it? What happens now?
- All the pigs in the land will be liberated of course and the government will have to deal with the Manifesto of Shortness... I think that will do for a start... then of course we will have a look upon climate change, corruption and illegal trade. In the end I see a world pretty much looking like a fine garden...
- With lots of gnomes...
- With lots of gnomes...

Gnomeline Analysis - X-mas just one day away

- Good morning dear viewers, and especially all you small creatures worrying about the recent development of events. This very mornin’ we’re reached by the terrible news that no less than 12 million piglets has been castrated without using of any form of painkiller or analgesics. What you say about that Professor Ambjoern Svinhufvud?
- It is simply terrible! But what to expect? The arrogance and ingnomity of overgrowns… They simply don’t have it within them… compassion, humanity, empathy… It is sad really, but they don’t know better…
- With us downtown we have the Lawn Mover Gnome, reporting live from a super market! How are things downtown now?
- Well the place is actually deserted and you only see a few overgrowns, quite disorientated actually… some gnome and pig patrols... the PATALAP, it is spread as a rumour, are building up their forces outside the city and they will, says this rumour, return to the city during the night and cleanse it from, what they perceive as, all forms of smallish illegal resistance. This super market is totally empty and you can't see a living soul anywhere. There is only one day to X-mas Eve and still no people dare go out shopping… I say the campaign is successful, but still you don't hear a thing on the mainstream media, which just seem to ignore the events or explain them as accidents or the deeds of misguided youngsters. One of their problem with the last explanation is that those younsters would be approximately two or three years old according to their body length...
- We thank the Lawn Mover Gnome for that live report. What is your response to that Professor?
- What could you say? To deny or ignore are well-known psychological defense mechanisms, frequently used by overgrowners... I talked to the Garden Gnome Guide just an hour ago and he said that he has planned for this a long time now and it seems that everything is going his way at the moment. It seemed to me that he has something going for ‘im… I don’t know what it is, but I think we’ll know in a day or two…
- Thank you Professor! With us here today is also the Arrogant and Patronizing Gnome, who has deep insights in how overgrowners think and act.
- Good day to you! I am very glad and joyful to have the opportunity to be here! As I adopted the facial appearance of an overgrown politician I’ve spent some time trying to figure out what his motives and driving forces are. I think that arrogance, envy and greed are big motivators. Lack of empathy is also important in his behavioural arsenal. To my understanding, to act and live like this character means that you don’t listen to others and when you finally do, you claim that they didn’t understand what you said or the inner meaning of your acts.
- Sounds intriguing and overgrowners actually elect such people?
- Oh yes, they sort of disregard the meaning of what is said, but just think that it sounds okay.
- That explains a lot I think… could you give us an example of how such a political leader acts and express himself?
- Certainly… What we have seen here during the last couple of days, is nothing less then the uncivilized acts and doings of the opposition. This is what they offer you: Chaos and the claim that it is caused by ravaging gnomes, dwarves, wild boars and pigs. This is not true! It is the opposition that cause all this. And this is how it is going to be if you don’t re-elect me. Order, that is me – chaos, that’s all the others – the choice is simple, and it is up to YOU!
- We thank the Arrogant and Patronizing Gnome for that… and tomorrow you’ll watch us again!!!

Gnomeline Neo-News Studio Presents - X-mas just 2 days away

We bring you tidings dear viewers that the Gnomeline Studio has been rebuilt! The fighting is steaming up and the Joint Gnome, Dwarf, Pigs and Wild Boar Forces (JGDPWBF) are ready to strike at the heart of PATALAP. Or as the Garden Gnome Guide once said:
- People tend to think that gnomes are rather harmless and friendly creatures, but I can tell you for sure that gnomes are quite in for the thing called revenge. If you do something a gnome doesn’t like he or she will eventually get back on you. You might think that it is an accident that the infamous potato-bug ate all your potatoes, but left your neighbour’s un-touched. But your just foolin’ yourself. You’re the victim of a gnome! A gnome with a grudge!

Gnoma Interrogata: - And now over to something completely different! We have now been told that the nature pic of this year is a wolf that jumps over a fence. However, the photographer cheated and used a tame wolf. But Gnomeline proudly presents, in co-operation with Dwarf Vision, our best pic of the year: The Jumping Pig!!! But now we turn to the curent conflict situation! We have with us tonight the Garden Gnome Guide, here with us in the Studio, and downtown Central City, the Bat-Biker Gnome, right in the middle of the heavy fighting between the Joint Smallish Forces and the PATALAP! How is the situation downtown?
- Well it seems that we have brought the X-mas sales to an end and it seems that the PATALAP thinks that they have us cornered! But Gnomee Me are they in for a surprise! We have arranged a pelota just for’em!!!
- Thank you for that report Bat-Biker Gnome! And I turn towards the Garden Guide Gnome: What do you think about the current situation?
- Well, I think they are in for a surprise! It is a question of 'em over stretching! I will explain it for you tomorrow or at least the day after tomorrow… but as for now my lips are sealed…
- Thank you, Garden Guide Gnome, and we are very excited about this new strategy and the tactical developments that we inevitably will follow… Overgrowners just don’t get it do they… they had their moment and now it’s gone… I think they just proved it in Copenhagen… Tomorrow you’ll watch us again!!!

X-mas just 3 days away

Today Gnomeline's Temporary Studio reports that a joint levitating gnome and flying pig attack just occurred during the X-mas sales in downtown Central City. At the meat market several hundreds of bodies of murdered pigs were confiscated and taken away.

The leader of the combat group, the Bat-Biker Gnome (another one of the Garden Gnome Guide's cousins), made a statement at the spot of the operation in front of the surprised X-mas shoppers:

- These dreadful ungnomish and unpigly acts must be brought to an end! The gnome and pig communities cannot accept this any longer. Those who continue along these dreadful lines of behaviour will be punished. Every gnome, dwarf, pig or wild boar will join on the destruction of gardens and agricultural landscape owned by identified trangressors!

Then the whole combat group left as fast as they had arrived...

X-mas just 4 days away

Today we are viewing the famous levitating gnomes coming in from the sky. This is a historical photo showing a gnome attack on a certain company in the fast food business. The reason behind the attack is since long forgotten, but we can guess that did something nasty to a smallish person.

From the resistance it is reported that the counter attack is under development. The PATALAP has left Gnomeline News Studio, but the premises were smashed and is now under reconstruction and is expected to reopen tomorrow at noon.

Gnomeline News - X-mas 5 days away

Attention! Attention! Just this minute the Gnomeline News Studio has been raided by the PATALAP Anti-Terrorist Very Special Gnome Activity Restraining Combat Group (putting together an abreviation do seem pointless here). The PATALAPs came in from the roof during a News broadcast and Gnoma Interrogata was interrupted during her interview with a lot of interesting guests. From the Temporary Headquarteers of the Garden Gnome Guide it is reported that the resistance and immediate counter attack is being prepared. The Garden Gnome Guide says:

- Now there is no more mister Nice Gnome! This means war! We will fight these bastards in every garden, every wood, in the super markets and in the streets! They will regret this! On the spot in the Gnomeline Studio the resisitance is led by Gnoma Interrogata and the Baseball Bat Gnome. I can promise the attackers that will not be a nice X-mas this years. I urge every gnome, dwarf, smallish being, pigs and others who sympathize with our cause to join the Resistance! We will win, but it may take a week or two!!!