Post New Year Trauma 2010

The New Year 2010 started in the largest and worst gnome hang-over ever. There has been news silence for almost three days and we have to re-collect the tidings from New Years Eve in order to re-construct the events. We use a variant of the Foucauldian archeological method (which stipulates that by examening the garbage from a restaurant you can re-construct the events of last night), but as we have no access to the premises we have to constrict ourselves to the alley in the back of the Gnomeline Studio.

Appearently the staff and guests at Gnomevision did not like that Gnomeline seemingly had more interesting guests and was throwing a better party. They started plotting and in the midst of the night they decided to attack the Gnomeline Studio. The attack was sudden and the party at Gnomeline was not prepared for an attack, but slightly off guard as everybody was partying. Nobody had thought about hiring professional security gnomes, when the ordinary staff was indisposed.

Of course it all started when Professor Anthrax, the old brute, walked into the Gnomline Studio and teared down a camera and severly hit a studio-gnome. Professor Svinhufvud reacted instantly and attacked Anthrax, aggresively using a spade and a hammer. At this moment Associate Professor Duodenum attacked Svinhufvud from behind, using a baseball bat he stole from the Bat-Biker Gnome, whoo was lying unconscious on the studio floor.

In a matter of minutes it was impossible to see anything, you just saw a see of blueish and redish gnome hats, moving from one side to the other... and you heard strange sounds... How do we now this? I must admit... we cheated... we found a mobile phone in a dustbin outside the studio and it had a three minutes recording. The garbage proved to be inconclusive evidence in this particular case. But I must point out that without this method we would not have found the phone...

Napoleon Bonaparte once described the battles of his age as something you could plan in advance, but after the fighting started it became impossible to see anything thanks to the gun-powder smoke. You just had to wish for the best. Napoleon, though, always used to dispatch a messenger to Paris before the battle was finished, which told the French people that their First Consule already won the battle. It seemed to have worked quite good until the battle of Waterloo.

This premature reporting of winning the battle of the Gnomeline Studio is not an option here it seems. For more then three days we heard nothing. Ah wait... one rumour has come to our attention. It seems like somebody did a Mike Tyson on Assistant Professor Puke Womit. It is said that afterwards the ear was stolen... The whole story is strange and debated all over the place. Gnomes and dwarves don't like to loose bodyparts, which can be used in malign practices of evil existences. Tomorrow we will return with more updated news... Until then, as they say in Mongolia, Bayartai...

Note: In the same dustbin we strangely enough found a CD-recording and on it was Smoke Gets In Your Eyes with the Flat Gnomes. We can't make anything intelligble out it and conclude the event as purely randome...